199+ Funny & Creative Blind Date Jokes

Blind dates can be full of surprises, awkward moments, and plenty of laughs; you never know what’s coming next! 

That’s why we’ve curated 199+ funny and creative blind date jokes to add some humor to these unpredictable encounters. 

Whether you’re preparing for a date or just need a good laugh, these jokes are sure to brighten your day and make blind dates feel a little less intimidating and a lot more fun.

The Benefits of Choosing Funny Blind Date Jokes

• Breaks the ice instantly and dissolves tension

• Shows confidence and a relaxed personality

• Creates memorable moments that make conversations flow naturally

• Helps gauge compatibility through shared laughter

Funny & Creative Blind Date Jokes

1. My blind date showed up in a tuxedo. Turns out he thought we were going to a wedding. We were at Olive Garden.
2. I asked my blind date what she did for fun. She said, “I collect red flags.” Should’ve left right then.
3. My blind date said she loved animals. Her cat was literally sitting in her purse during dinner.
4. He told me he was “between jobs.” Turns out he meant between naps.
5. My blind date’s idea of dressing up was wearing his cleanest hoodie.
6. She said she wanted someone spontaneous. I surprised her by leaving early.
7. My blind date asked if I believed in love at first sight. I said, “Not after tonight.”
8. He showed up an hour late and said traffic was bad. We live in a town with one stoplight.
9. My blind date brought her ex’s photo to show me “what not to be like.” Great start.
10. She ordered the most expensive thing on the menu, then remembered she “forgot her wallet.”
11. My blind date spent 20 minutes explaining his cryptocurrency investments. I spent 20 minutes planning my escape.
12. He asked if I wanted to split the bill. I said sure. He meant split it three ways with his roommate who “just happened” to be there.
13. My blind date’s profile said “loves travel.” She’s been to the next state over. Once.
14. She told me she’s a “free spirit.” That apparently means showing up barefoot to a steakhouse.
15. My blind date said he was a chef. He microwaves Hot Pockets for a living.
16. She spent the entire date on her phone, then asked if I felt a “connection.”
17. My blind date brought his mom. For moral support.
18. He asked what my biggest fear was. I said, “This date lasting another hour.”
19. My blind date’s conversation starter was, “Do you think birds are real?”
20. She told me her ex was her soulmate. Then asked if I wanted dessert.
21. My blind date said he was “old-fashioned.” He meant he still uses a flip phone.
22. She asked if I wanted kids. On a first date. Before we ordered appetizers.
23. My blind date showed me his action figure collection. In the restaurant. From his backpack.
24. He said he was “looking for something real.” His Tinder bio said “just here for fun.”
25. My blind date asked if I believed in astrology. I said no. She said that’s “such a Capricorn thing to say.”
26. She told me she’s “not like other girls.” Then ordered a pumpkin spice latte in July.
27. My blind date’s opening line was, “So, do you come here often?” We met on an app specifically for this date.
28. He said he loved dogs. Then admitted he’s allergic and has never owned one.
29. My blind date asked if I wanted to go Dutch. Then ordered three cocktails for herself.
30. She showed up in pajamas. Said it was “fashion.”
31. My blind date told me he’s a “nice guy.” Red flag number one.
32. He spent 10 minutes talking about his gym routine. He’s never been to a gym.
33. My blind date said she’s “low-maintenance.” She ordered a meal that took 45 minutes to prepare.
34. He asked if I wanted to meet his parents. We hadn’t even ordered yet.
35. My blind date brought her own Tupperware to take home leftovers. Before we started eating.
36. She said she loves adventure. Her idea of adventure is trying a new Netflix show.
37. My blind date asked if I was “the one.” I said, “Not even the two or three.”
38. He told me he’s a musician. He plays Guitar Hero.
39. My blind date’s profile picture was from 10 years ago. And 30 pounds ago.
40. She asked if I wanted to hang out again. I said I’d “check my schedule.” My schedule is empty.
41. My blind date said he’s spontaneous. He planned our entire evening down to the minute.
42. She told me she’s “just looking for someone genuine.” Then spent the date name-dropping celebrities she’s never met.
43. My blind date asked what I look for in a partner. I said, “Someone who shows up on time.” He arrived 40 minutes late.
44. He said he’s a great listener. Then interrupted me 17 times.
45. My blind date told me she’s “very independent.” Her mom called three times during dinner.
46. She said she wanted to “keep things casual.” Then asked about my retirement plan.
47. My blind date’s idea of a fun story was describing his fantasy football league in excruciating detail.
48. He asked if I wanted to split dessert. Then ate the whole thing.
49. My blind date said she’s “not into drama.” Then told me about every argument she’s ever had.
50. She asked if I believed in fate. I said, “Not after this.”

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Unique Blind Date Jokes One Liners

1. My blind date said she’s “quirky.” Code for “owns too many cats.”
2. He showed up wearing Crocs. I should’ve known it wouldn’t work out.
3. My blind date’s best quality? Punctuality. She left on time.
4. She said she wanted someone funny. I laughed at how bad the date was going.
5. My blind date asked if I was “the marrying type.” I said, “Not to you.”
6. He told me he’s “good with his hands.” He’s a professional video gamer.
7. My blind date brought a book to read in case conversation got boring. It did.
8. She said she loves deep conversations. Then spent an hour talking about reality TV.
9. My blind date asked if I was seeing anyone else. I said, “I will be soon.”
10. He said he’s a romantic. He forgot to make a reservation.
11. My blind date told me she’s “complex.” That’s one word for it.
12. She asked what my love language was. I said, “Silence.”
13. My blind date said he’s “brutally honest.” Turns out he’s just brutal.
14. She told me her favorite hobby is “living life to the fullest.” She’s unemployed.
15. My blind date asked if I wanted to get matching tattoos. We’d known each other for 20 minutes.
16. He said he’s “goal-oriented.” His goal is to move out of his parents’ house by 40.
17. My blind date’s conversation topics: her ex, her other ex, and her other other ex.
18. She said she’s “spiritually enlightened.” She bought a crystal at Target last week.
19. My blind date told me he’s “ambitious.” He wants to become a TikTok influencer.
20. She asked if I believed in soulmates. I said, “Not anymore.”
21. My blind date said he’s a “foodie.” He orders chicken tenders everywhere.
22. She told me she’s looking for “the real deal.” Then checked her phone 47 times.
23. My blind date asked what my deal-breakers were. I said, “This conversation.”
24. He said he’s “emotionally available.” Then cried about his ex for 30 minutes.
25. My blind date told me she’s “open-minded.” Unless you disagree with her.
26. She said she wanted someone adventurous. Then refused to try the appetizer sampler.
27. My blind date asked if I was “a catch.” I said, “More like catch and release.”
28. He told me he’s “easy to get along with.” His Yelp reviews say otherwise.
29. My blind date said she’s “not high-maintenance.” She spent 15 minutes fixing her lipstick.
30. She asked if I wanted to take things slow. Then invited me to her family reunion next week.
31. My blind date told me he’s “just a regular guy.” Who lives in his van by choice.
32. She said she loves surprises. I surprised her by blocking her number.
33. My blind date asked what my biggest accomplishment was. I said, “Making it through this date.”
34. He told me he’s “down to earth.” He believes the earth is flat.
35. My blind date said she’s looking for someone “authentic.” Her eyelashes are fake.
36. She asked if I was on other dating apps. I said, “I am now.”
37. My blind date told me he’s a “hopeless romantic.” Emphasis on hopeless.
38. She said she wanted someone who makes her laugh. I made her uncomfortable instead.
39. My blind date asked if I believed in chemistry. I said, “Not between us.”
40. He told me he’s “not like other guys.” He’s worse.
41. My blind date said she’s “just looking to vibe.” Whatever that means.
42. She asked what my type was. I said, “Anyone but you.”
43. My blind date told me he’s “ready to settle down.” Into his couch with a bag of chips.
44. She said she wanted someone confident. I confidently left after 10 minutes.
45. My blind date asked if I was “emotionally mature.” I ghosted him instead of answering.
46. He told me he’s a “gentleman.” He let me pay for everything.
47. My blind date said she’s “full of surprises.” The biggest surprise was how boring she was.
48. She asked if I wanted to see her again. I said, “Let me get back to you.” I won’t.
49. My blind date told me he’s “looking for his other half.” I’m looking for the exit.
50. She said she wanted to “see where things go.” I went home.

Dirty Blind Date Jokes

1. My blind date asked if I wanted to come up for coffee. She doesn’t own a coffee maker.
2. He said he was good with his hands. Turns out he meant typing.
3. My blind date winked and said, “I’m flexible.” She does yoga twice a year.
4. She whispered, “I don’t usually do this.” Narrator: She usually does this.
5. My blind date said he wanted to show me his etchings. He literally had etchings.
6. She asked if I wanted dessert at her place. I said I was lactose intolerant.
7. My blind date told me he’s a “cuddler.” That’s not what his Tinder bio said.
8. She said she wanted to “Netflix and chill.” We watched a documentary about penguins.
9. My blind date asked if I was “adventurous in bed.” I sleep diagonally. Very adventurous.
10. He said he knows all the right moves. He demonstrated the Macarena.
11. My blind date told me she’s “open to anything.” Except a second date.
12. She asked if I wanted to see her tattoo. It was on her shoulder.
13. My blind date said he’d “rock my world.” He played air guitar.
14. She whispered something suggestive in my ear. I couldn’t hear her over the restaurant noise.
15. My blind date asked if I was “feeling the spark.” I was feeling indigestion.
16. He said he wanted to take things to the next level. I took the stairs and left.
17. My blind date told me she’s “very affectionate.” She hugged the waiter more than me.
18. She asked if I wanted to go somewhere private. I went to the bathroom and didn’t come back.
19. My blind date said he’s “always ready.” For disappointment, apparently.
20. She told me she’s “experienced.” In making bad decisions.
21. My blind date asked if I was into role play. I played the role of someone interested for 20 minutes.
22. He said he’d make it worth my while. He didn’t.
23. My blind date told me she likes it rough. She orders her steak well-done.
24. She asked if I wanted to stay the night. I said I had an early meeting. It was Saturday.
25. My blind date said he’s a “beast in the sheets.” Egyptian cotton, apparently.
26. She told me she’s “very vocal.” She wouldn’t stop talking about her ex.
27. My blind date asked if I was “up for it.” I was up for leaving.
28. He said he wanted to “explore” with me. I explored my way to the parking lot.
29. My blind date told me she’s “uninhibited.” She took her shoes off at the table.
30. She asked if I wanted to make things interesting. I said, “You’re doing the opposite.”
31. My blind date said he knows how to treat a lady. By splitting the check apparently.
32. She told me she’s “wild.” She ordered water with lemon. So wild.
33. My blind date asked if I wanted to get “closer.” I moved my chair back.
34. He said he’d show me a good time. He showed me his Pokémon card collection.
35. My blind date told me she’s “not shy.” She burped loudly to prove it.
36. She asked if I was feeling hot. I said no, it’s just your personality repelling me.
37. My blind date said he’s got “stamina.” For talking about himself for two hours straight.
38. She told me she likes to be surprised. I surprised her by leaving without saying goodbye.
39. My blind date asked if I wanted to “get comfortable.” I got comfortable on my couch at home.
40. He said he’d sweep me off my feet. I tripped trying to get away.
41. My blind date told me she’s “full of passion.” For complaining.
42. She asked if I was feeling the chemistry. I was feeling nauseous.
43. My blind date said he’s a “night owl.” He falls asleep at 9 PM.
44. She told me she’s “spontaneous in the bedroom.” She rearranges furniture.
45. My blind date asked if I wanted to “spice things up.” I ordered hot sauce.
46. He said he’d make my heart race. My heart raced trying to escape.
47. My blind date told me she’s “very expressive.” She made 47 different annoyed faces.
48. She asked if I was ready for an unforgettable night. I’ll never forget how bad it was.
49. My blind date said he’s “skilled with his tongue.” At talking nonstop.
50. She told me she wanted to “take me home.” I called an Uber instead.

Blind Date Jokes Collected from Reddit

1. Showed up to my blind date. She said, “You look nothing like your profile pic.” I said, “Neither do you.” Awkward silence for 45 minutes.
2. My blind date asked what I do for fun. I said, “Not this.”
3. She told me she’s a Sagittarius and that explains everything. I’m still confused.
4. My blind date spent the whole time talking about her podcast. It has 12 listeners. Including her mom.
5. He asked if I wanted to see his car. It was his mom’s minivan.
6. My blind date said she’s “fluent in sarcasm.” She wasn’t joking. She was just mean.
7. She asked what my biggest red flag was. I said, “Asking that on a first date.”
8. My blind date told me he’s into fitness. Fitness whole pizza in his mouth.
9. She said she wanted someone who can make her laugh. I left. That should do it.
10. My blind date asked if I believed in love at first sight. I said, “Not after seeing you.”
11. He told me he’s “woke.” He fell asleep during our conversation.
12. My blind date said she’s a “boss babe.” She’s unemployed.
13. She asked if I wanted to go halves. Then ordered an extra meal to take home.
14. My blind date told me he’s looking for “the one.” I’m looking for the door.
15. She said she loves horror movies. This date qualifies.
16. My blind date asked if I was “emotionally available.” I became unavailable real quick.
17. He told me he’s a “sigma male.” I had to Google what that meant. Still confused.
18. My blind date said she’s “not materialistic.” Then complained about her purse being last season’s.
19. She asked what my Myers-Briggs type was. I said, “The type that’s leaving.”
20. My blind date told me he’s a “gentleman.” He spent 20 minutes mansplaining my own job to me.
21. She said she wanted someone genuine. Then told me three different versions of the same story.
22. My blind date asked if I was on birth control. We were eating appetizers.
23. He told me he’s “super laid-back.” He complained about everything.
24. My blind date said she’s looking for her “king.” I’m more of a jester.
25. She asked if I wanted to split dessert. Then ate it all while I was in the bathroom.
26. My blind date told me he’s an “alpha.” More like alphabet soup.
27. She said she’s “not clingy.” She texted me 14 times before I got home.
28. My blind date asked what my deal-breakers were. I looked at him and said, “This.”
29. He told me he’s “all about positivity.” Then spent an hour complaining.
30. My blind date said she’s a “clean eater.” She licked her plate.
31. She asked if I was “relationship material.” I said, “More like return-to-sender material.”
32. My blind date told me he’s a feminist. Then interrupted me 23 times.
33. She said she wanted to “live in the moment.” Then asked if we’d get married.
34. My blind date asked if I was good at communicating. I ghosted him instead of answering.
35. He told me he’s “emotionally intelligent.” He cried when they ran out of breadsticks.
36. My blind date said she’s “not judgmental.” Then judged everything I ordered.
37. She asked if I was over my ex. I said yes. She spent an hour talking about hers.
38. My blind date told me he’s a “provider.” He provides awkward silences.
39. She said she’s looking for “something real.” This disaster was real.
40. My blind date asked if I wanted kids someday. I said, “Not with you.”
41. He told me he’s “goal-driven.” His goal is to finish this date without paying.
42. My blind date said she’s “very spiritual.” She has a dream catcher from Urban Outfitters.
43. She asked what my biggest turn-on was. I said, “The light switch when I got home.”
44. My blind date told me he’s into “deep connections.” He connected to the restaurant’s Wi-Fi and scrolled Instagram.
45. She said she’s looking for her “best friend.” I’m looking for a restraining order.
46. My blind date asked if I believed in destiny. I said, “Destiny brought me here to suffer.”
47. He told me he’s “really good at reading people.” He couldn’t read the room.
48. My blind date said she’s an “empath.” She didn’t notice I was miserable.
49. She asked if I was “the jealous type.” I said, “I’m jealous of people not on this date.”
50. My blind date told me he’s looking for his soulmate. I’m looking for my car keys.

Best Blind Date Jokes

1. My blind date said she’s spontaneous. She planned our next five dates before appetizers arrived.
2. He asked if I wanted to exchange numbers. I gave him the rejection hotline.
3. My blind date told me she’s “not like other girls.” She’s right. She’s worse.
4. She asked what my ideal date looked like. I described anyone but her.
5. My blind date said he’s a hopeless romantic. Hopeless is right.
6. She told me she’s looking for someone ambitious. I ambitiously left early.
7. My blind date asked if I was enjoying myself. I lied and said yes.
8. He said he’s great at first impressions. He was wrong.
9. My blind date told me she’s very direct. She directly asked when I’d propose.
10. She asked if I believed in fate. I believe fate wanted me to suffer.
11. My blind date said he’s looking for “the one.” I’m the wrong one.
12. She told me she’s an introvert. She talked for two hours straight.
13. My blind date asked if I was feeling butterflies. I was feeling regret.
14. He said he’s good at making connections. Not with me.
15. My blind date told me she’s low-drama. This date was a telenovela.
16. She asked what my biggest fear was. I looked at her and said, “This.”
17. My blind date said he’s financially stable. His mom pays his rent.
18. She told me she’s looking for someone mature. I maturely excused myself to the bathroom and left.
19. My blind date asked if I was “the one.” I’m the one who’s leaving.
20. He said he’s confident. Confidently wrong about everything.
21. My blind date told me she’s a catch. More like catch and release.
22. She asked if I wanted to make it official. We’d been there 15 minutes.
23. My blind date said he’s adventurous. He tried ketchup on his fries.
24. She told me she’s “very giving.” She gave me a headache.
25. My blind date asked if I was looking for something serious. I was looking for the exit.
26. He said he’s a great communicator. He talked at me, not with me.
27. My blind date told me she’s independent. Her dad drove her to the date.
28. She asked what my love language was. I said, “One you don’t speak.”
29. My blind date said he’s a problem-solver. He’s the problem.
30. She told me she’s easygoing. She had a meltdown when they were out of ranch dressing.
31. My blind date asked if I was feeling the vibe. I was feeling nauseous.
32. He said he’s loyal. To his Xbox, maybe.
33. My blind date told me she’s a dreamer. She dreamed I’d pay for dinner.
34. She asked if I wanted to cuddle. I wanted to run.
35. My blind date said he’s misunderstood. I understand he’s terrible.
36. She told me she’s very affectionate. With her phone.
37. My blind date asked if I was “the jealous type.” I’m jealous of people not here.
38. He said he’s romantic. He forgot to open the door for me.
39. My blind date told me she’s old-fashioned. She expected me to pay for everything.
40. She asked what I was looking for in a partner. I said, “The opposite of this.”
41. My blind date said he’s straightforward. Straight toward being single forever.
42. She told me she’s bubbly. More like flat soda.
43. My blind date asked if I wanted to see him again. I said, “Let’s not.”
44. He said he’s charming. Alarming is more accurate.
45. My blind date told me she’s authentic. Authentically annoying.
46. She asked if I believed in second chances. Not for this.
47. My blind date said he’s a gentleman. He burped without saying excuse me.
48. She told me she’s open-minded. Unless you disagree with her.
49. My blind date asked if I was having fun. I haven’t had fun in 90 minutes.
50. He said he’s one of a kind. Thank goodness for that.

Clever & Crazy Blind Date Jokes

1. My blind date said she’s “unpredictable.” I predicted I’d leave early. I was right.
2. He asked what my guilty pleasure was. I said, “Ending bad dates early.”
3. My blind date told me she’s “quirky and fun.” She’s quirky, I’ll give her that.
4. She asked if I wanted to play 20 questions. I had one: “Can I leave?”
5. My blind date said he’s an “old soul.” He acts like a toddler.
6. She told me she’s artistic. She drew conclusions about me in five minutes.
7. My blind date asked if I was open to trying new things. Like never dating again.
8. He said he’s philosophical. He quoted The Office and called it deep.
9. My blind date told me she’s adventurous. She tried a new Instagram filter.
10. She asked what my biggest accomplishment was. I said, “Surviving this date.”
11. My blind date said he’s cultured. He’s been to Olive Garden twice.
12. She told me she’s spontaneous. She changed her mind about wanting dessert.
13. My blind date asked if I believe in karma. I hope not, after what I’m about to do.
14. He said he’s mysterious. He’s just confusing.
15. My blind date told me she’s complex. Unnecessarily complicated is more accurate.
16. She asked if I was feeling a connection. I was feeling my phone vibrate. Time to go.
17. My blind date said he’s deep. Deep in debt, maybe.
18. She told me she’s an empath. She didn’t notice I was dying inside.
19. My blind date asked if I wanted to share a plate. I wanted to share a cab home. Alone.
20. He said he’s creative. He created the worst date I’ve ever been on.
21. My blind date told me she’s naturally funny. Naturally unfunny.
22. She asked what my type was. I said, “Anyone who isn’t here.”
23. My blind date said he’s looking for chemistry. We’ve got toxic waste.
24. She told me she’s a free spirit. She’s free to stay single.
25. My blind date asked if I was into astrology. I’m into leaving.
26. He said he’s thoughtful. He thought about himself the whole time.
27. My blind date told me she’s passionate. About complaining.
28. She asked if I wanted to extend the date. I wanted to end my suffering.
29. My blind date said he’s sensitive. Overly sensitive to constructive feedback.
30. She told me she’s witty. She’s half right.
31. My blind date asked if I was impressed. I was impressed by how bad this was.
32. He said he’s genuine. Genuinely terrible at dating.
33. My blind date told me she’s got a great sense of humor. She laughed at all her own jokes.
34. She asked what my deal-breakers were. I made a list while she talked.
35. My blind date said he’s magnetic. Repellent is closer.
36. She told me she’s nurturing. She nurtured my desire to be single.
37. My blind date asked if I felt the spark. I felt my soul leaving my body.
38. He said he’s patient. Good, because he’ll be waiting a long time for a second date.
39. My blind date told me she’s sophisticated. She pronounced “quinoa” wrong.
40. She asked if I was “ready to mingle.” I was ready to leave.
41. My blind date said he’s a catch. Someone should throw him back.
42. She told me she’s carefree. She cares deeply about how many Instagram followers I have.
43. My blind date asked if I was the settling-down type. I settled for going home early.
44. He said he’s intellectual. He watches YouTube videos and calls it research.
45. My blind date told me she’s magnetic. I was attracted to the exit.
46. She asked if I wanted to make memories. I want to forget this.
47. My blind date said he’s authentic. Authentically bad at conversation.
48. She told me she’s vivacious. Vexatious is the word she’s looking for.
49. My blind date asked if I was enjoying the evening. I enjoyed when it ended.
50. He said he’s unforgettable. Unfortunately, he’s right.